The Arena Of The Unwell: Hong Kong

There's a lot to be said for friends in far flung places, more so family. This part of the world feels a bit like a second home to me now so I'm on easy street for the next few days. Maybe now I'll have a chance to get back on an even keel after the whirlwind of NZ. Ian meets me at the airport with a big-bro hug and we hop on a bus back to his place to catch up over a few glasses of fine wine and nibbles before hitting the sack.

My brother originally left Blighty for Hong Kong about fifteen years ago. Soon after, he was posted to Singapore where he settled for about twelve years, during which time he met and married my wonderful sister in law, Joey. They relocated to Hong Kong a couple of years ago and moved around a couple of times before settling on their current home on Park Island (Ma Wan, to use the local parlance). It's a purpose built residential area of huge high-rise blocks sprouting out of manicured communal areas with bars and spas ... but no cars. Ferries and buses are the modus operandi of transport round here.

It's Saturday, so no work for my hosts. We hop on a ferry to Central on Hong Kong Island but fail to arrive in time to catch lunch at our preferred eatery so we peg it over to Tsui Wah in the rain for a suitable replacement. She'll hate me for saying this, but food is never far from Joey's mind so she always knows where to go and what to order. I wouldn't have a clue what to go for as the best places in town usually just have menus in Chinese. The ones that do have English menus usually charge a premium because they know they can. This is a win-win situation.

Ian's mate, Barry, is moving out of his awesome little pad in the Mid-Levels and he's having a small farewell gathering on his cosy rooftop terrace tonight. This gives me a chance to top up my dinner with some real nice BBQ food and catch up with Mike, and old work colleague of mine from London who got posted out here a couple of years ago. Joey heads home and the lads adjourn to a bar to catch some late night Premiership footy action.

It's a slow start on Sunday but we take a ferry to Tsuen Wan for an awesome Dim Sum lunch . It's a real collision of old and new in this part of town, with huge glass skyscrapers and shopping malls hiding the traditional buildings beyond. The neon lights try their best to distract you from the flaky weather-beaten lumps of concrete which support them. Despite its ragged appearance, there's a big sense of community hidden behind the 21st century façade. Herbal remedy shops selling all kinds of weird shit, men hanging out in parks playing Chinese Checkers or Majong, women throwing Tai Chi shapes and random line dancing groups. The wet market which, despite the pungent smells and questionable treatment of frogs, gives us a fascinating insight to a world we wrapped up in plastic and polystyrene a long time ago. They sure as hell like their food "fresh" here, and why not. It'll probably have deteriorated a bit by the time the punters have swung by the local whore house on their way back from town. "Hi honey, I'm home! I came as fast as I could. Guess what you're cooking tonight?"

I've been a bit paranoid about losing my photos since travelling so we swing by a maze-like shopping mall full of electronics stalls to pick up a external hard-drive for my laptop. Always could rely on Hong Kong for cheap gadgets and it never seems to disappoint - hide my wallet, I need to get outta here! Back to Park Island for a wander around its virtually abandoned old town. It seems that the property developers paid off and/or re-housed all but the most stubborn residents so all that's left here are the dying embers of a ramshackle fishing village. It's a pretty sad sight but makes for some eerie and cool photographs. Thwarted again in our attempts to get into our desired restaurant for the evening we settle for something cheap and cheerful nearby and head home.

Ian's taken the Monday off. Hong Kong is famed for many things but he wants to show me a hidden treasure up in the hills. We take a bus to the Sunset Peak hiking trail on Lantau Island and set off up through the forest. After thirty minutes we hit a trail which heads up to the top but seems to get further away as every peak reveals a larger one nestling right behind it. As we reach the final peak we come across a bunch of ugly abandoned prefab huts in a desolate and exposed area. Ian tells me he thinks people used to live up here. Seems ridiculous to me, but then the air up here is fresh-as and the views down onto the boats meandering their way past the islands below is pretty sweet. A few hours later, on the way down, my knees are starting to give up so I use a few Inca Trail tricks. Running downhill, springing off of the rocky steps on tiptoes and twisting round the corners like a power-sliding rally car might take more concentration and make me look like a complete dick but if I still want to be walking unaided in twenty years time then it's a worthy sacrifice. It's a long, tiring day and we finish off in a Thai restaurant back in Tsuen Wan and a midnight family get together over Skype. It's my birthday!

Ian goes back to work in the morning but I'm not on my own today. Hayley, from the NZ Stray bus, is in town. Predictably for a backpacker, she's staying in Chunking Mansions in Tsim Sha Tsui (TST) just across the water from Hong Kong island so I arrange to meet her at the Star Ferry port and we hop on a bus up to The Peak which overlooks the city. She tells me about the earthquake in Christchurch. Initial reaction - "Damn! Another seismic thrill ride missed" The more I find out the less I want to know so I'm moving that one to the end of my bucket list - I need to keep dodging bullets a bit longer.

The city rises so high from Central district that it feels like you could reach out and touch the top floors from The Peak. Hey, how cool would it be to set up a zip-line here? I reckon I could even get Hayley to test it for me. She's a bit mental like that. Perhaps that's my next business venture.

After a quick coffee, we take the Peak Tram back down, head to Wan Chai and meet Ian for lunch at the exquisitely named burger joint, Shake Em Buns. Great nosh. Ian scoots off back to work whilst Hayley and I take a bus to Stanley Market. The bus breaks down en-route with smoke filling the carriage about half a mile from our intended destination so we get kicked out and walk the last bit. Jeez, this place has changed a bit. I was last here about six years ago. There's a bunch of new municipal buildings here and the market's gone all, well, up-market. Where once you needed a clothes peg on your nose to venture inside I'm probably now the smelliest thing here. I feel a bit cheated by the swanky art shops and overpriced clothes. We hit Smugglers Inn, a open-fronted British styled pub, for a few beers before I need to get back into town to celebrate my special day.

Hayley heads off for now but Ian, Joey and Mike are joining me for my birthday dinner at Akita Japanese Teppanyaki restaurant in TST. This is a new experience for me. What a place! We sit at a small bar and our personal chef stands before us, perched over a huge hotplate like a ninja with a pair of deadly spatulas. I don't even want to mention some of the stuff we ate that night, less so the manner in which it was cooked. Let just say it don't get much fresher or tastier than this. Most definitely not one for vegetarians. The chef finishes with a flourish by expertly dripping egg yolk all over the hotplate to spell out Happy Birthday for me and making cartoon faces with chopped vegetables. Hayley rejoins the festivities as we depart for drinks in a bar round the corner in Knutsford Terrace. Thanks for a special day out peeps, I owe you one.

Back to Central in the morning and I take a bus to Ocean Park with Hayley. It's a theme park and zoo with pandas (I guess it's a bit late to request a red panda for my birthday), an impressively huge aquarium, a neat Jules Verne aquatic-themed train, a bunch of thrill-rides and a cable car. It's a decent enough day out but parts of this place are getting a bit worn-out. It's got a lot of building work going on right now so perhaps they know this and, given time, it'll improve.

Our evening destination is The Globe pub. Sarah from Sydney is is town, as is David, an American mate of Ian's who I last met in Hong Kong about fifteen years ago when he had a bit more hair. We spend the evening here before sticking a stack of cash in the jukebox in Sapphire. I leave tomorrow, or so I think.

It's an early start, and a disappointing one. I say my goodbyes, hop on a bus to the airport for my flight and get turned away at the Cathay Pacific check in desk. Fail! I have no visa for Vietnam. Scratching my head, I turn tail and head back to Park Island. How did this happen? Turns out you used to be able to get a "visa upon entry" at Ho Chi Minh City customs but our suspicion is that the airlines have got their knuckles rapped by the authorities for letting through too many undesirables so they've all upped their game. I had better do some research, and quick, because Joey's out of town now and Ian's off on a business trip in a couple of days. Turns out "visa upon entry" is still available but not without a pre-approval letter from the Vietnamese government. I find a company online who can get things sorted for me and, incredibly, my OneWorld ticket can be transferred at no extra cost so I rebook for a flight in two days time and head out to Tsuen Wan to get some rather unsightly passport photos done.

So, Ian's got a business function to attend this evening but Mike's still up for a beer. We hook up at The Queen Victoria in Hong Kong's notorious red-light district with a couple of his colleagues. It's bonus day for them and I think they need a livener. Ian joins us later with a couple of work colleagues before some dude spoils the evening by making a misjudged comment that pisses a few people off and we depart.

My final day is a lazy one back at Park Island with some awesome sushi at a local Japanese place before getting back on track. Pre-approval letter in hand, there can be no fuck-ups at the airport now. Hong Kong, all these years and I still love you. Ian & Joey, you ain't too bad either! Mwah!

Next Stop, Vietnam.

Choon of the day: Foals - This Orient